These days, it’s pretty common for ladies to venture off on their own and travel the world as a solo female traveler. Nothing wrong with that and there are numerous blogs out there, encouraging solo female travel. A lot of people think solo equals single. And it might be in a lot of cases. If you don’t have a boyfriend or a close friend to travel with, the best thing to do is travel solo. But what if you do have a boyfriend, or a husband or any other form of significant other with whom you share your life? What if you’re a solo but not single female traveler?
Solo traveler at 15 years old
Ever since I started to earn my own money, it has been my main priority to travel as much as I can. My first trip was with my brother to London when I was 15 years old. After this, trips with a boyfriend followed. After our brake-up, I booked my first solo holiday. I discovered solo travel. In the years after that, many trips followed, solo, with a friend, with my parents or flying solo again.
The man of my dreams
And then I met him. The man of my dreams. A patient fellah with a heart of gold. It felt like coming home. I can be 100% myself when I am with him and I feel really good when I am around him. But when we met a couple of years ago, I already had my travels booked. I would go solo to Spain for 2 weeks and a week to Rome with my parents. We only just met when I had to leave him behind again.
He didn’t mind. Like I said, he is very relaxed and wanted me to have a good time. We used WhatsApp almost non-stop and I wanted time to move quickly so I could return home and see him again. I also had the dream to visit the Sochi Olympics in 2014, but this was my dream, not his. So I went by myself.
Read more: How I gave up my passion to follow my true love for travel.
Solo travel becomes couple travel
Of course, we also traveled together as a couple. He likes to try new things and can really enjoy “la dolce vita” so we took relaxing vacations and city trips to Pisa and Florence in Italy and went to Orange, France together. What a nice thing to travel with someone you love. Explore together, get lost together and laugh together.
The differences
But his vision of travel is a bit different than mine. He likes to camp in the wilderness. He likes to go on through-hikes without any facilities. He wanted to walk the Kungsleden trail in Sweden.
As much as I like the idea of spending time in nature, I just can’t. My Crohn’s Disease has me bound to civilisation and traveling for days without a bed to sleep in, a roof over my head and a toilet to sit on, is not something I can pull off. It is simple impossible and I don’t feel the need to try and ruin our time together and our time away from work.
Chasing dreams separate from each other
Last year, my boyfriend told me he really wanted to hike the Kungsleden in Sweden. We talked about it. I asked what it would be like and encouraged him to follow his dreams. I was busy with buying my own house at the time so it took a while for the idea to really sink in. He would travel on his own. Alone. For four whole weeks. Without me.
As much as I wanted him to live out his dream, I hated the idea that we wouldn’t share such an adventure together. That we wouldn’t travel together and not share a common dream and work together to realise it. I was gutted. How was it possible to have found the man of my dreams, but we have different dreams to chaise? How could we be a couple if we couldn’t do the one thing in life I love the most: travel together? I had some serious issues to deal with this. It’s not that I wanted him to NOT go. I just wanted to realize a common travel goal. But it would be impossible. I had to be patient and wait for time to pass.
Realizing my own dreams
It took me a few months to come to peace with the idea. I tried to accept things and make the best of it. It wasn’t easy and I’m still not sure if I accepted it completely. But a new idea grew in my mind. If we wouldn’t be able to travel together for the next year, I might still be able to travel on my own. For the past decade, my big travel dream has been to go to South America. I fantasize about traversing the continent with my backpack and taking in all the wonderful sites and cities. I wanted to go to San Pedro de Atacama in Chile and the Salar de Uyuni in Bolivia. As South America isn’t high on the wish list of my boyfriend, I decided now would be the best time to take on this epic solo adventure in South America.
Solo Female Traveler in South America
I’d go to South America alone. I’d live out my dream as he would realize his dream. I would be a solo but not single female traveler again. And let me assure you, it is quite different to travel solo and not be single. Not that I paint the town red and hook up with every random stranger I meet, but it is different. I wanted to stay involved with my boyfriend’s life back home. I wanted to talk to him and share my travels with him. I also had to explain a lot of people, that yes, I do have a significant other, but no, we do not travel together.
Locals would ask me why I would travel alone. And then ask me to marry their cousin/brother/son. My response would be: thanks but no thanks, I have a boyfriend. But they couldn’t rhyme the two together. You travel solo but you are not a single female traveler? It seems a general global conception that you have to be physically together if you’re together with someone. And I wasn’t. I was half way across the globe, while the person I love was back at home. Doing his thing. The thing we normally would do together.
So, did I hate it? Actually not at all! Yes, I had some difficulties accepting the idea before I left. And the first two weeks of my trip were really rough as I got really ill and felt absolutely miserable.
Solo traveller again
But when I started feeling better, I met all kinds of interesting people. I enjoyed myself a lot. I didn’t have to think about anything or anyone besides myself. I was doing exactly what I love most and didn’t have to worry if my boyfriend would enjoy himself. If he was ok, if he was still having fun. And why he would want to go left when I knew our hostel would be to the right. I felt like an individual, thinking and making plans for 1. I didn’t mind sitting in the restaurant by myself. Booking bus tickets for only 1 seat. Snagging the last bed in an overbooked hostel. It was lovely. I realized I missed it. I forgot what advantages solo travels have. I forgot who I can be when I travel solo.
Read more: Is solo travel in Iran safe for woman?
Should all solo travelers be single?
But I am not the person to promote solo travel as other bloggers do. I don’t think you should ditch your boyfriend if he doesn’t want to come with you on your travels. Traveling together can be really rewarding. You feel less vulnerable, you’ll have more to laugh about and you can snuggle up in the middle of the night when it’s cold outside and my most important argument: you’ll make memories together that will last for a life time.
So do you have a life partner who doesn’t want to join you on your travels? Or they just can’t come along on your next trip? I have a few tips for you to handle being a solo but not single female traveler.
5 tips to consider when you’re a solo but not single female traveler
- Make agreements on how often you’ll contact each other. Every day? Once a week? Only when there is news?
- Don’t spend the whole day checking your messages on your phone. Especially when you’re in a different time zone, it can be difficult to stay in touch. But don’t overdo it. It is perfectly ok not to talk to each other every single minute of every single day. It happens. You travel. You’re busy with traveling.
- Meet other people. It is ok to meet other travelers and you do not have to feel guilty for going out for dinner with another person. The fact that you’re both solo, doesn’t mean you’re single or interested. Not all dinners are dates; you can still have fun with other people as a solo but not single female traveler.
- Keep sharing how you feel. If you’d be sitting across the dinner table, you would be honest with the other person. If you travel you might have the tendency to sugar coat certain things. You don’t want the other to worry about you, but be honest about how you feel. Do you feel lonely or tired? Tell the other. Maybe a different time will be better to talk.
- Let the other person share their story too. Of course, you’re the one traveling and experiencing all kinds of epic adventures. But your significant other might want to say a few words as well.
Are you a solo but not single female traveler? Do you have a story about leaving your loved one behind and venture off into the world of solo travels yourself?
Please share it with me, I’d love to hear it.
Hello! Thank you for this fantastic story. I am a very tired mother of 2 and a busy wife as well who dreams about sailing out alone to some pieceful and quiete place with only a book and a camera in my backpack. I am booking some destinations right now. My significant other still lives in piece, but if you are interested in his reaction afterwards, I can share it with you. LOL. Regards!!!
I hope you’ll have a great trip Ivy!
I enjoyed this article Naomi! I met someone during my travels, and he lives in a different country with a job that doesn’t allow him to take the same time I can. It’s developed into something over the past few months, which is great, but it can definitely confuse some people I meet in my travels who assume I’m single because I travel alone. Good for you guys for being able to each follow your own dreams and have your own lives but have that shared aspect that you have with each other. I hope we are able to also find our way, as you guys have! <3 Much love, happy travels!
Thanks Jade. I’m glad you found it inspirational. I hope you and the boyfriend will work it out together.
So nice to hear that I’m not alone in my love for travel without my husband and kids. Thanks for writing this!
Appreciate this great great post and all the comments from independent ladies! I love to travel outside the country. My husband of 41 years does not. In some ways he sounds a lot like your man – rugged, camping, hiking, rock climbing and motorcycle adventures make him feel alive!
BTW, take it from an older girl – 60 last month – living a good portion of your life separate from your honey gives you each lots more to talk about and, as time passes, keeps you interesting to each other – loved the hint about letting the other person talk – you can’t know the other person if they can’t get a word in about what they’ve been up to.
So, back to traveling solo. I’ve tried traveling with girl friends but find that despite the fact that we love and care for each other, we have very different travel styles and needs (one friend insisted on telling me the results of every bathroom visit visit!). There are some things you just don’t need to know about your friends.
So now I’m contemplating the merits ofntraveling solo. Thanks for such a revealing look into the possibilities. You go Girls!
This defiantly makes me feel less guilty. Ive wanted to travel for years. And I’ve finally start to start making plans. My Husband really hadn’t shown an interest in going. He even said he wouldn’t go. But now we have two daughters and Im getting guilted into not going by most everyone in his family. Im wouldn’t leave for long and He said he had no problem staying behind with the girls while I’m gone for a few days.
Having a family is always a balance between their needs and your own. But when you discuss things, look for options and find a way where everyone is happy, I’m sure you’ll find a way Kristina.
Loved your post! I too travel by myself a lot even though I am happily married and can completely relate. To me, solo travel is not something that needs to be restricted to simply single people because it is just as rewarding an experience when you’re in a relationship & gives you plenty of new stories to talk about when you’re reunited with your love!
Thank you Katie. Once you return you have plenty to talk about indeed!
Awesome post, I am a solo lady traveller myself, but always single. i would love to travel with someone I love, but until I meet that person, there is no way I’m missing out on world adventures. It’s great that you and your partner have your own dreams when it comes to travel and can support each other in recognizing those dreams! Keep going girl!
Thanks Emily, never stop travelling. Solo or single or not..!
I do this all the time and people look at me funny. I think it takes people like you doing it and sharing how it’s okay to get people to stop thinking it’s awkward!
I guess there is still some social stigma out there, but we are here to define our own future. Thanks Becky
This really resonated with me. I love the points you made about following each of your own dreams while at the same time remaining a happy and committed couple. Long distance can be hard, I know from personal experience that it can be extremely tough. I’m so happy to see that not only have you made it work, but you also have a fantastic perspective and attitude about it. You go girl, I’m right behind ya!
Thanks Sophia. Going myself was the easy part. Being at home while he goes off is much harder now. Lol
I loved this article! I could relate to many points. It is very important to make things clear with your significant other so you both know what you are expecting from the other and what feels comfortable. I am married and I tend to stick to my husband, but he always is quick to run away for an adventure when I am busy doing something else and can´t go. I realized I should do the same and have more alone time in order for the relationship to be healthy and happy…he doesn´t mind me going away on my own, even today, I had an interview for a teaching position abroad and told him that going without him is not an option for me (it would be for a year or so and I don´t want to be gone for that long), but he went like, “if that´s what you want, just go ahead and I´ll do my own thing, I just want you to be happy” – now I know we wouldn´t be very happy if we´d be apart for that long (that´s why we got married anyway, as we come from different countries) but the whole stance he has taken has just made me realize what it is that I love about him so much – the fact that he is fine with me being free 🙂
Awh that is so sweet Karin. Thanks for sharing. Being apart for 1 year (or even longer) is really hard. Maybe you can work something out that you can still go together so you can fullfill your dreams.
More people should attempt a trip on their own. I think being independent can also bring you closer as a couple. In my case, I realized how much my husband does for me that I never really paid attention to.
Great post!
Sometimes it is good to be apart to realize what the other means to you
Travelling solo when you’re in a relationship can make for some interesting conversations with your significant other. I hope I can meet someone who wants to travel as much as I do. But for now I’ll make the most of my time travelling solo 🙂
That is the best strategy! Always travel as much as you can.
What an interesting read! I’m currently in discussions with my husband about solo travel as a new travel blogger, and it’s proving difficult as I have some health concerns also, so he is reluctant to let me travel solo. However, there are places I really want to get to and he only has so many days off, so it’s making for shall we say, interesting discussions. I’m starting with local travel plans, within the UK by myself and see how it goes. After all, he has to be happy/ok with me travelling solo for me to do it….
Absolutely Tilly, otherwise you wouldn’t feel happy to leave. Is he more worried about your health? Or your safety? Or he just really wants to go with you?
Oh, what a great post! My boyfriend and I have been together for 5.5 years and I love how you phrase “Chasing dreams separate from each other.” Just because you’re in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you have to have the same exact dreams. 🙂 I agree that traveling together is so, so fun and supportive but I still say if it is your dream to travel and NOT his/hers/etc…you have to make it work somehow! And sometimes that means just going.
That being said, sometimes you’ll buy a plane ticket for a solo trip to Iceland and he’ll get so jealous he’ll book one the next day. 😉
That sounds like the best of plans Amanda! Did you go together or did he go another time?
Very interesting. I’ve never traveled solo. I’ve been with my hubby since high school and haven’t traveled without him since. I even tag along on most business trips and know I haul my kids around too. Haha. I hate the idea of us experiencing things without each other, but that’s cool you’ve found a rhythm that works for you.
Really good that you can travel together Amanda. It will be a great experience for your children to travel with you too!
I travelled a fair bit before I met my husband, who had never had the opportunity. Now we both have the travel bug and enjoy most of our trips together. Every once in a while, he has the opportunity to travel with a pilot friend for really cheap. He goes on a nice guys’ trip for a few days without me. Do I wish it could be us and not them? Sometimes, yes. But I wouldn’t want to hold him back from a fun opportunity. One day, I’ll go somewhere without him and not feel guilty.
Good attitude Heather! Would you go on girls weekend? Or more a solo adventure?
Thanks for this insightful post. I wondered if traveling alone while not being single was a strange thing.
Both my boyfriend and I traveled alone for a year before we met. Like yours, he loves to do long multi-day hikes, which I cannot do due to the problem in my back. So he recently went hiking for a week alone. And while I love traveling with him, some part of me misses solo travel, so I think I’d like to combine solo trips and couple trips in the future.
Sounds like an excellent plan Laia, I guess it is all about the balance!
Thanks for a thoughtful post. I have been married 20+ years and my husband and I travel independent of each other. He does it mostly for business. For me it is business and pleasure. I love traveling with him too but it is a slightly different type of travel as I have to consider that it is also vacation for him. It is his down time so he can go back and make the big bucks so I can travel Solo But Not Single. LOL.
Lol Susan, great deal! If only we had more time to travel together and solo.
Such a thoughtful post Naomi. My view is that your travel style changes as your life changes as you point out in your article. Once I was a backpacker, with partner and without. Then my tastes became a little more luxurious again with a partner and solo travelling. These days we have a family and things have changed again. I wouldnt have it any other way as each style of travel has helped me see places and people through a different lens. You have followed your dreams and have no regrets and I think you were brave and honest to share your feelings and advice
I have noticed this too Katy. I lean a bit more towards comfort and privacy too. I guess each life face asks for different styles of travel. Great that you can share thravel with your family now!
I love this article. I am a solo traveler also. I am now in a relationship and will be traveling solo still so it’s nice to see other people doing it too.
Thanks Daneka. I love how I’m not the only one to travel solo but not single.
On numerous occasions, I’ve taken the kids and my mom on vacation while the hubby was forced to work, he just didn’t have the time off to join us and this was the only time my mom would fly up to see me.
Alternatively, when he is away for work, he tends to travel in his area on weekends and its much too far away for us to join him for only 2 days.
It never feels ok. And we both try to not visit places the other really wants to do together but sometimes it’s unavoidable; he did a wine tour in Florence with his friend, instead of me. I couldn’t exactly tell him not to because I was jealous.
That is a problem Christine. I feel my boyfriend would love some of the places I have visited so maybe we can redo them one day. Hope you get to go to Florence too, together! (Did you check my amazing posts about Florence too.. just to spark some wanderlust!)